Thursday, 14 March 2019

RE-INVENT YOURSELF – Through coaching

Over the years I have helped people bounce back into living a life of purpose and joy all over again, led them to sail through the process of re-inventing themselves. About six months ago, a young girl, about 25 yrs of age came up to me for coaching. We just talked and during the conversation it came out that a low score in high school, followed by a low score in college and a broken relationship has completely shattered her. She had given up on life, she had no friends, did not go out ever, fought with parents every single day( though confessed that she has the best parents one can ever dream of), lost interest in dressing up. She had no hopes of any kind of future for herself. She said she trusted no one (because of the broken relationship). It seemed a real Goliath to take up the task of getting her back to living a life ….a happy life! But I was glad, when she said that it’s been a year since she felt comfortable with and spoke to someone and thanked me for letting her pour out her heart. I was happy to notice a little sparkle in her eyes. We met every week and my questioning led us to know that her dream was to be a baker. Then further sessions led her to research and we homed down to few colleges. She baked a cake for me and shyly said that she has never made it for anyone other than family and that she looks up to me as her guide… humbled by her talk, I complimented her for her cake. She moved on to smile daily, dressed up well and re-inventing herself each day, step by step.
During the coaching process I found four principles that I used:
It takes more than a powerful moment: People don’t just wake up one day and say, “I think I will become a different person”. It takes a lot to motivate a person who has given up on life entirely to make this kind of a change. In the example above it was the feedback process that shook the girl’s self- perceptions to the core. As a coach we need to be alert and conscious to major shaping events, and help the clients leverage them for personal transformation rather than just surviving.
The belief system must first be shaken before change will occur:We all have beliefs like, “I can’t change,” or “I have to keep things under control,” or “I need to protect myself from getting hurt.” As a coach we need to help the client figure out why he does what he does and then evaluate whether that belief is really sound. When core beliefs change transformation begins. Our greatest challenges contain the seeds of our greatest opportunities for personal growth.
Coaching needs to stay action oriented:While coaching this girl through her desire to “come alive emotionally” after she squelched her feelings for a year. Its easy to get into the counseling mode, seek the root and offer inner healing. But we need to keep the approach practical and action oriented. We together developed new ways she could live every day like a person who enjoyed doing exciting things instead of hiding from it…like watering a plant , going out, sketching , listening to music… as these actions were practiced as habits, slowly brought in a new reality in her mind and emotions.
As a coach we need to keep looking back at the starting point and the goal ahead. As the client is being transformed he/she can lose perspective on their progress. The process not only changes who you are but how you view yourself and where do you stand when you look at yourself. As coaches we need to remind our client regularly about the graph going up. It’s a great feeling to ask your client that, “if your life now was made into a movie, would you like to play it?” And if the answer is “Yes”…You as a coach have done your bit! Cheers!

Article in the news paper