Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Lets be better parents with NLP

Here’s a piece of coaching help I often find myself giving to parents:
Do you find yourself explaining yourself again and again?
Do you think it you can solve an argument by trying to make them understand?
The fact is, they don’t understand you! They’re going to see things differently. 
Children and adults have different perspectives. Parents can spend a lot of time and 
energy trying to make a child accept their logic. It’s just not going to happen.

So explain yourself once to your child and then move on.
This is a tough pill to swallow for parents. We all feel like things would be easier if 
only our children understood why we want them to do certain things. NLP is based on 
a number of presuppositions.If you were  to practice and adopt these presuppositions, 
it would help to ease your journey through life.

The map is not the territory and people respond according to their map of the 
Each one of us perceive the world through our five senses –the external territory. We
then take this external phenomenon and make an internal representation of it –our map.
This external map is influenced by what we call filters in NLP. These are our perceptions, 
our beliefs and values. It follows then that what is outside can never be, the exact same 
as what we create inside our brain. In other words, each one of us have our individual map
of the world and in order to communicate effectively and easily, it is important to 
understand the internal reality or the map of the person we are communicating with. 

In this instance the other person is our child. As a parent it is extremely important that we
are able to look at the world through the eyes of our children. See what they are seeing, 
hear what they are hearing and feel what they are feeling. It is only after meeting them at 
their own map of the world that we can gently steer them in a different direction if need be.  

What helps you as a parent to understand your child’s world?
Spending more time with them, watching their favourite TV programme, listening to their
favourite music, laughing with them at the latest viral video on YouTube and the kind will 
help you get closer to the child’s world.  Communication is a huge umbrella that covers 
and affects all that goes on between humans. We need to be aware of the tone and our 
body language while communicating with our child. Babies learn all  aspects about
communication from those people who are in charge of them from birth! 

So when we communicate with our children got to be fully present in the moment so that 
we make sure that we are not sending confusing messages to our child through a mismatch 
between our words, our tone and our body language. Saying “I Love you” through clenched
teeth do not convey a loving message! 

Happy Parenting!

Article in the news paper