Wednesday, 3 February 2016
Hard times..and that too personal hard times can strike at any point to any of us. Each one of us have our share of them..in our relationships, at work, with family and not to miss matters related to health. The challenge here is to accept these blows and wade through troubled waters, to learn from them and emerge stronger, braver, wiser than ever before. It’s definitely easy said than done.
How do we deal with these moments?
We could …in several predictable ways i.e complain, consider it as lady luck not favouring us, try and gain sympathy. You would hear some statements like,” you think that’s bad, wait till you hear my story ! But does it help? No one can judge the severity of your hard times. Your tough path is tough and it is yours to tread on. One needs the inner energy to emerge out and some are able to do it while some go down in a spiral dungeon.
Being upfront and open helps in some ways. One, that it allows you to live up your reaction towards it and in the consequence let others help accordingly. For example in a relationship turned sour, the last thing that you might want to hear from a friend is that all would be well, but, you also don’t want to hear that how awful it is. Keeping matter to yourself is even tougher! So we need to let people around us know that you are not looking for an over or a poor response from them.
Sometimes it helps to peep into the past to see how those tough days have contributed towards who you are today, it helps to reflect how new patterns appeared and moulded your personality. And try and think back what you did during those tough days. Was it that you wrote it all out of your system or maybe an evening out in the woods helped or was it the daily gym routine or was it the quiet , cosy ambience of your room soaked you in a comforting energy? Think, imbibe what helped!
Hard times force change. It sure throws an opportunity to do something different. Recovering from a break up makes you more independent and capable with a life that is offering so much more..more interesting ways than what they were! Or may be a cancer survivor comes out with a new hope and excitement towards life.
Take your time to process what pulled you down and explore your feelings connected to it. As you process the one thing that needs to be avoided is the blame ..blaming yourself, your luck , others, life. Blaming is a double edged weapons that bruises your soul. It is surely a no-win position to be in. So fight this to avoid at best.
The duration of sadness, remorse depends on the blow that you got out of the situation. Find someone who can be a sound board, could be a friend, a coach to get a fresh perspective, to let them help you build steps towards your goal..to be happy again. Seek out cathartic activities that work well with you.
Few questions to ponder over :
What can you draw from the situation that can help you move ahead?
What didn’t work well?
What are the choices you wish to consider?
Any behaviour that you wish to change that might turn your life towards betterment?
What is the strengthening gain out of this event ?
What step would you like to take that might put the spark back in you?
What do you enjoy doing?
I started my life as an infantry spouse way back in 1986. I was a young girl with a sparkle in my eyes and an enthusiasm of an adven...
Here’s a piece of coaching help I often find myself giving to parents: Do you find yourself explaining yourself again and again?...
What mind can conceive, believe, it can achieve.. all that is required is to know what we don't know! Enjoyed being a judge at one of ...