Sunday, 28 December 2014

Holiday Time...Is it causing stress ? How to Keep Calm and Avoid Fighting with Your Kids

Holidays bring in togetherness, joy and happiness. So why do you end up feeling so stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed. I just noticed this while sitting in the coffee shop at the Taj a while ago. Witnessing a young couple getting so hassled with their kid's behaviour. This made me ponder over and here I am penning down few tips.

The stress is caused by this innate desire that we have that our children should look good and behave well—and when this doesn’t happen, we can start to feel like we’re somehow failing as parents.

We all believe that holidays are supposed to be happy, peaceful, loving times. But we also know that the “supposed to’s”–in other words, all the expectations that go along with this—carry a lot of pressure with them. Anxiety follows and reacting to our anxiety leads to “reactivity.” That's when we lose it all and yell at our kids. It's then natural for us to feel overwhelmed.

Parents often ask me, “How can I manage to enjoy the holidays when I have so much to do and my kids are acting out in front of relatives?”  I tell them to ask themselves an entirely different question, and that question is, “How might I contribute—not cause, but contribute—to my child’s acting out behavior?”
Do I buy into expectations and take too much responsibility, and not ask for enough help, inadvertently causing stress?

Do I tend to become over-controlling when stressed?

The  most important question to ask yourself is, “What do I need to get control over my own behavior at these times?
What do I need to change in myself that will create more calm and peace inside of me?”
The truth is, if you can get yourself under control and take responsibility for your anxiety levels, that feeling will spread to your family members—and you'll probably experience less anger and defiance from your kids, as well.

So what can you do to achieve this calm? Here are some steps to follow this holiday season.

1. Stop trying to manage your child’s misbehaviour, they won’t be so busy resisting your efforts. Hold them accountable for their behaviour.

2. Try to keep to normal routines as much as possible.

3. Ask family members for help in planning and preparing.

4. Make your children feel like they’re an integral part of the events taking place. Giving them responsibilities help.
5. Learn to say “no.” Don’t let other people’s expectations push you to extremes or into doing too much or too little.

6. Have some encouraging one liners up your mind to say to yourself to help you get through the stress. You might say, “Just let it go,” or “This too will pass,” or “It’s not too difficult." Try to swap negative thoughts that may come up with one of these one liners.

7.  Be clear about what you expect from family members. You should also be clear about what you are and aren’t responsible for.

8. Remember if we carry stress it spills onto our kids who already may have behavior problems and gives magnitude to the problem.

9. Do not keep thinking in your in mind, again, that your child is necessarily a reflection of you.

10. The bottom line is that there will be much more positive family togetherness on each holiday season if you pause and think about how you want to respond to your child.

Never start feeling that we are somehow failing as parents. Think about new ways, keep experimenting and think what you can do best in the particular situation.
Happy Parenting ! Enjoy the year end holidays and Have a sparkling New Year ! 

Monday, 22 December 2014

Time For New Year Resolutions !

In about a week plus it will be New Year's Day. Traditionally we all set new goals on New Year's Day - what we usually call New Year's Resolutions. But unfortunately it is also traditional to break those resolutions. New Year’s resolutions are a bit like babies: They’re fun to make but extremely difficult to maintain. A study in 2002 found that a much smaller percentage of people actually make good on those resolutions. While about 75% of people stick to their goals for at least a week, less than half (46%) are still on target six months later.

I tried too, for years. I kept asking myself why I could not stick to my new year’s goals. I for sure wanted them. They seemed important to me but clearly not so important to achieve them. It seemed to be a never ending story, year after year. Does that sound familiar?  

Well, then I focused & started brainstorming all the choices I had been making both consciously and through pure habit. I studied my patterns. I finally realised the cause,discovered the reason why I was failing

I was failing because what I lacked was the Change experience. I did not know that there was a process for change, a system that I could use that will guarantee my success in keeping up the resolution. A process to examine my New Year’s resolution or any goal for that matter. There was a need to to think and what to do …to make the much required real change.

It's hard to keep up the enthusiasm months after you've swept up the confetti, but it's not impossible. Let’s not restrict ourselves to the “negatives” that most of us associate with the New Year’s Resolutions like eating, smoking etc. Why not have really exciting, positive goals that you would love to achieve. Think for a moment! 

What goals would you you set? What difference would they make? How would you grade your Happiness on a scale of 1-10 by the end of 2015 on achieving those Goals.

Our society is a very results-driven one, so we are quick to focus on the outcome winning a competition as opposed to a process goal ,that is staying focussed on the process. The problem lies here ..we have very little control over the outcome goals but we can do a lot on the process bit.
What if this coming year you were to set yourself some goals that are exciting and would make a real difference to your life, and then were able to keep them too?

Now that you know you are focussed on achieving this, what’s stopping you ?
Perhaps you don’t have a system that you can utilise or may be you require a partner to give you that nudge or an accountability partner. HIRE A COACH! The coach would help you along the way to create your own basic short term goals and help you build a system to reach them and then those little wins will turn into more noticeable achievements. And before you would know you would be half way through and setting and meeting your New Year Resolutions. 

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “the only constant is change itself” and I could not agree more.
Life is about CHANGE. But the question is, are you happy with the changes you are making?

Let your Coach help you take control of the changes you make this year and beyond. Know what a resolution really mean. 
What are the pitfalls that cause most of us to abandon our resolutions?
How to turn your resolutions into tangible goals? 
How to determine the best strategies for reaching your goals?
How to set your larger life based goals that determine your course of action   towards a newer you?

If you want to experience CHANGE you must become a student of CHANGE and have a detailed planning system that you can use to map out your major objectives for the year and begin tracking your progress monthly, weekly and even daily to ensure long term success along with your coach who gently help you chalk out your overall Vision, Yearly Goals, Monthly Goals, Weekly Goals and Daily Goals….and much MUCH more. The Time is NOW!!!

Take control of your destiny once and for all. 
Signing off with a excitement to meeting the NEW YOU! Cheers!

Monday, 15 December 2014

Live the Life you Dream of- Now!

We all seem to learn to prepare ourselves for the future. All learnings seem to be directed towards having a better future and it is so easy to get caught in up in this future whirlpool that one loses the ability live the life you’re living right now.

Realizing the Power Of The Present…

The first action towards a better life is to realize the power that the present moment holds. Each one of us have different ways to truly come to this realization. Here a coach will be able to help you get the clarity about where you are in life ..your present status, help you look within. This personal reflection time will allow you to sort out your inner thoughts.

Enjoying The Journey that you take….

Your journey is yours. Your goals are important, but it's the path you take toward your goals that yield the much needed results. The coach walks the path with you here too, helping you decide on your goals and the route that you take. You must be willing to enjoy your life and live consciously, even if you haven't yet reached your goals. But to remain motivated have short term goals and once you achieve them celebrate the little successes and mov towards the next goal towards success.

One can remain happy by concentrating on the present and enjoying the journey. As you make positive progress towards your goal, enjoy the feel that you're always one step closer.

Envisioning Your Future…
While you should spend a great deal of time enjoying the present moment, enhance your happiness by envisioning your future. The coach helps you envision the happy life that lies ahead once you chalk out the strategy and achieve the goals. A coach helps you know that there actually exists a system whereby you can create and design your life the way YOU want to.

Reflect on the feelings associated with the successful completion of your goals. Think about the traits you'll exhibit when you have the life you desire. Now bring those traits into your present. What you're learning now will shape your future, so you might as well approach today with joyful gratitude!

Live your ideal life Now!
It's important to live the life you desire right now and that too passionately.

Follow simple rules:

• Adopt a "glass is half full" mentality

• Even on the busiest of days, spend some time on yourself.

• Don't waste your time on people who don't believe in you and your abilities

Most importantly, We need to believe in ourselves and not get lost in the self limiting beliefs. Most of us are afraid of taking risks. We put off action towards our dreams indefinitely because we fear stepping out of our comfort zones.

Do not het trapped in the negative patterns.

Don't waste your time on dead ends. Instead, take action, learn your lessons, and enjoy the journey! Let your coach help you create the life you want!

Lets be better parents with NLP

Here’s a piece of coaching help I often find myself giving to parents: Do you find yourself explaining yourself again and again?...