Friday, 10 October 2014

It Isn't Easy Being a Parent...



Parenting can be wonderful and rewarding, but it can also be difficult and unpleasant. Parenting today has become a difficult, complex and often exhausting “business”. The demands of juggling personal, professional and family obligations combined with a changing world have made parenting a challenge today.
What has happened to today’s parents? Are we worse parents than the parents of previous generations?  Are we to blame for our children’s deteriorating behaviour?
 Our answer is unequivocally – No! Then who is to be blamed?
Let’s look around and pick up few changes that have sneaked into our way of life. Drastic changes in society have led to an increased feeling of detachment, both from extended family members and from our community that includes our neighbours. The current situation has led to a significant loss of support for parents and their necessity to act alone and isolated in the face of great parenting challenges. The role of grandparents is becoming a thing of past.
Can we really expect parents to spend more “quality time” with their family when the demands and expectations of their employment require extra work hours (with emails, mobiles intervention)?  Is it realistic or even fair to ask mothers to sacrifice their careers or father’s to risk their employment for more “family time”? But isn’t it a basic requirement to spend time with kids. Are we even trying to listen what the child is trying to say? Are you paying attention to the body language or other cues that might indicate there’s more to a story? Try and spend time together in ways that fit your lifestyle. Try to make time for regular meals together, go for walks, and talk in the car. You need not strive to live up to a stereotype or an ideal of parenting; just do what works for you.
Are we justified in placing blame on parents for their children behaviour?  When we witness the misbehaviour of a child, rarely do we consider the parents’ difficulties or acknowledge the challenges they face. It is unfortunate that people are unlikely to take into account the child’s temperament or the many trials and tribulations that parents must cope with. This climate of blame and reproach often leads parents to blame themselves, which increases their frustration as well as their isolation. 
We, as parents need to empower ourselves and as such improve our relationship with our children and that will significantly decrease children’s behaviour problems. Staying calm is one of the most effective parenting strategies. Yelling or “losing it” sends the message, “I need you to behave so that I can feel calmer; I don’t know how to be calm and in control of myself unless you are behaving the way I need you to.”
Be the dad who is approachable. Be the mom who asks a lot of questions about school, interests, and activities. You don’t have to be nosy to get to know your children’s friends, but you do have to be the one to set the tone of kind, friendly interaction. Your kids might think it’s a little weird at first, but in the long run they’ll appreciate it
This one is simple, but definitely not easy: Be the kind of person you want your child to be.
Know your values and act on them, treat others the way you would like to be treated, follow your dreams, cut yourself some slack when appropriate, and feel good knowing you’re building the assets your kids need to succeed.
In reality, there are no guaranteed methods for ensuring we and our children will be happy, healthy, and successful in life. It really is still a systemic oppression that falls on parents – that we are expected to be perfect parents along with our long work hours and the myriad of household chores that need handling, in addition to tending to our primary relationships with partner and friends. All of which requires care and time to nurture. The mantra of modern parenting is communication Good luck to all you lovely parents ..Happy Parenting !

Lets be better parents with NLP

Here’s a piece of coaching help I often find myself giving to parents: Do you find yourself explaining yourself again and agai...