Saturday, 23 August 2014

Pity Vs compassion in moving away


While here in Canada, during the first session, my client conveyed that  he was unable to let go of the guilt of his divorce. Made me think deeper into it, about how we sometimes mix up our emotions. In a broken relationships, there are times when we feel pity for our ex, by doing so actually we are asserting their powerlessness and that prevents them from finding and connecting to their power. We’re also affirming their victim status and that brings any guilt we have into play. Sometimes you may feel guilty because you are glad the marriage is over and want to move on but your ex-partner isn't . Sometimes your guilt keeps you connected to your ex and that isn’t healthy for either of you. Compassion on the other hand is the opposite energy of pity, and it is supportive to their power, while encouraging them to connect to it. When you express compassion you can be detached because you are connecting from a more powerful place, and encouraging the other person to be powerful. At least you are not letting them be victims! Another important aspect of this difficult situation is the release and closure aspect, which is also not helped by your guilt. You want your partner to let you go so you won’t feel guilty about fully cutting this tie. Can you release your guilt and let yourself go? If one partner keeps getting back and it's a tug of war situation for both. This energetic tug of war is going to continue until one of you, decides you have had enough. If you can release your guilt, give yourself closure, which means that you walk away, then you can do it in a graceful, loving way. Don’t wait until you get angry enough to leave, because the ending will be ugly and emotional, and you will still have the guilt, even if you feel that you are finally done and over with the relationship. It’s not an easy situation but it is a good lesson for you, in how you allow yourself to feel joy and peace, and let go of the guilt. While you wait for your partner to let you go, what you need to do is decide when you are finished, and to move on. Release requires that we let go; closures requires that we move on. Those are choices that you have to make. And we never need anyone else’s permission to release ourselves, have closure, and move on. And in case we are not able to do so we will stay in unfulfilling, control driven relationships until we get so tired of the situation that we use anger to release ourselves, instead of quietly and powerful disconnecting.

Article in the news paper